Brain teasers for March.

1) A woman was in court for killing her husband. She said she wasn’t guilty and that she dearly missed him. In the closing statement, the woman’s lawyer stands up and says, “Her husband was just missing. Everyone look at the doors. He’s going to walk through them in about 30 seconds. The entire jury stares at the doors waiting for this woman’s husband to walk through the doors. The lawyer and the woman stare at the jury. The lawyer concludes by saying, “See! If you were so sure she killed her husband, you wouldn’t be watching that door!” The jury immediately gave a guilty verdict. Why?

2) There once were seven dwarfs who were all brothers. They were all born two years apart. The youngest dwarf is seven years old. How old is his oldest brother?

3) Andrew’s doctor gives him three pills and tells him to take one every half hour. How much time will have passed by the time Andrew’s taken all three pills?

4) Jessica is telling her friends this story and asks them to guess if it’s the truth or a lie: “There was a man sitting in a house at night that had no lights on at all. There was no lamp, no candle, and no other source of light. Yet, he sat in the house and read his book happily.” Her friends say she’s lying, but Jessica corrects them and says she’s telling the truth. Jessica’s story is true—but how?

5) A man is sitting in a bar when a rich man sits next to him. He turns to the rich man and says, “Did you know I know almost every song that has ever existed?” The rich man laughs. The man then says, “I bet you all the money you have in your wallet that I can sing a genuine song with a lady’s name of your choice in it. The rich man laughs again and says, “OK, how about my daughter’s name, Jamie Armstrong-Miller?” Minutes later, the man collects his cash and the rich man goes home cashless. What song did the man sing?

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches on. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again, he asks the little old lady, “Why don’t you eat the peanuts yourself?” “We can’t chew them because we have no teeth,” she replied. The puzzled driver asks, “Why do you buy them then?” The old lady replied, “We just love the chocolate around them.”

I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles. Therefore every day I walk down the street and tell passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom. I give them pictures of my family, my dog and of me gardening, taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch and doing what anybody else does every day. I also listen to their conversations, give them the "thumbs up" and tell them I like them. And it works just like Facebook! I already have four people following me: Two police officers, a private investigator and a psychiatrist.

Have you ever wondered…….

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains? Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Delivery on new cars is still frustratingly long. It is at the point we have become car order takers rather than car salesmen, though as most of you have experienced, we don't actually sell cars. We prefer instead to simply demonstrate and advise, and allow you, our customer, to make the decision to buy a car, whether KIA or some other brand…..there is a difference. Happy customers and people are what we want above all else..….easy peasy so long as I keep my opinions to myself! Despite long waits we continue to deliver cars every month as long awaited orders roll in on trucks to be readied for their new owners to enjoy. Thanks for your patience. For those who are in the market for a new SUV and don't have time to wait for months….we do have a limited number of all new model Sportage diesel all wheel drive LX and LX Plus models available for quick delivery. We have a demo here for test drives should you be interested.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, she said I was doing fairly well for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking her, ‘Do you think I’ll live to be 80?’ She asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?’ ‘Oh no,’ I replied. ‘I’m not doing drugs, either!’ Then she asked, ‘Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?’ ‘I said, ‘Not much… My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!’ ‘Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?’ ‘No, I don’t,’ I said. She asked, ‘Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?’ ‘No,’ I said… She looked at me and said, ‘Then, why do you even care?!’

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word. His mates at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, ‘Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?’ Bob replies, ‘Girlfriend? She’s my wife!’ They are knocked over, but continue to ask.’ So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?’ ‘I lied about my age,’ Bob replies. ‘What, did you tell her you were only 50?’ Bob smiles and says, ‘No, I told her I was 95.’

That’s it from me for March. Business is still brisk and feedback positive. Extraordinary times require extraordinary product, and that is what we have with Kia…outstanding!

Brain Teaser Answers.

1) The woman was watching the jury and not the doors because she knew that her husband wouldn’t walk through them because she had killed him. If she had really missed him like she said, she would have been watching the doors.

2) 19 years old—if you thought the oldest was 21, you likely didn’t count the seven-year-old dwarf as one of the seven brothers.

3) Answer: One hour. Andrew will take one right away, then take one a half-hour later, then take the final one a half-hour after that.

4) Answer: In Jessica’s story, the man is blind and is reading braille.

5) The song is “Happy Birthday.”